Letting Go Of Fear, Giving Into Hope

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I try to jot down sayings, phrases, quotes, what have you that stick out to me, relate to me, or inspire me. This one, like many, is easier said than done for people with a chronic illness or pain. I put in a lot of my strength toward not worrying about the future. Not worrying that I will never find a solution to my problem. Not worrying that the next day won’t be any better than the last.

In reality, worrying does nothing good for us. I know that, yet still allow myself to give into it most days. I often receive words from my support system to “not worry about the next day until it comes.” or to “just be hopeful that tomorrow you will feel better.”

These words are appreciated, heard and taken to heart. But as someone who wakes up every day with the same head pain day in and day out, these words are hard to follow.

Hope and fear are two of the most powerful things in this world. I give into both of them. I fear that I may never see a day where I can make it through an entire day without feeling some type of head pain. I fear that no matter how much research is done, that in my time here on Earth I may never see a cure for my disorder or disorders/illnesses of other people in this world.

Living with this fear though, I’ve learned that in my hardest times and my most scared moments, the thing I always turn back to for reassurance is hope.

Hope has kept me going during times where I sometimes don’t want to keep going. Hope has given me strength when I feel at my weakest. Hope is the one that helps me shine my light and smile. Hope sometimes helps me forget about my daily fight and allows me to live happily throughout most days.

So while it’s inevitable that we will continue to live in fear of the future, I go to sleep every night hoping that the next day will bring me something brighter and better than the day before.

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