At some point in life, we will be broken. It’s inevitably a part of living. The hope is that we can rebuild and become strong at those broken places. Ernest Hemingway was a powerful writer and I find myself connecting to so many of his words.
People with chronic pain or illnesses have a higher chance of being broken more than once, I think. There’s so much physical, mental and emotional struggle that comes along with the chronic pain we face. It’s a packaged deal and we don’t have the option to pick and choose which we go up against.
For the past two months or so, my headaches have been relentless. Forcing me to force smiles and laughter. Making me work twice as hard as I normally would to do everyday tasks and things I need to do to get by. I’ve had some sincerely joyous, carefree moments within these two strenuous months. I do manage to have fun and truly laugh beside friends and family even during the worst of it. But when I take a step to the side and have a sidebar of my own, I have felt myself breaking to the point where I know that I’ve been broken by this life. My headaches have pushed tears through my eyes and created a nonstop state of frustration. It’s as if I’ve hit a wall because I have all these different directions I can go to try to figure out a “cure” or a diagnosis. But it’s hard to try to figure out which is the best road to go down first.
I want to be one of the “some” that Hemingway talks about in this quote though. A part of the some that walk away stronger at my broken places. I’m determined, really, to be a part of that “some.” So I truck on, keep seeing different doctors, taking different tests and trying a wide range of tricks to try to help bring my headaches down even just a tiny notch.
So if you’re feeling broken, just know you’re not alone. Know that you’re not a victim, because it happens to everyone. But also remember that you can take that feeling and build upon it. You can either let it continue to drag you down leaving you in pieces for someone else to try to put together, or you can become strong at those broken places and know that it will only turn you into a stronger fighter and more compassionate and empathetic person.