For Those People Who I’ve Pushed Away

I’ve recently stumbled across the website The Mighty. It’s a website where people living with disabilities, diseases and mental illnesses can submit their real stories and have them published to not only reach those who suffer as well but to reach those who live with and love someone who is suffering. It’s an awesome site and It’s definitely worth checking out whether it’s relevant to you right now or not.

Recently published on this site was an article written by a young lady who I can very closely relate to regarding an issue that I’ve never really figured out how to quite put into words myself. She did a wonderful job doing so for me and everyone else who feels the same way.

Read the article here–“To My Loved Ones When I Don’t Want Your Company”

When I’m facing a high (as in a 9 or 10) pain day, most of the time I want to retreat to my bed, curl up under my covers and escape into my own world. Like the writer of this article said, it’s partially for my loved one’s sake but partially for my own sake.

I push my loved ones away for their sake because I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable or sad.  So often when someone sticks around, I’m worried about how my health issues are taking over their life as well. My weakness is causing their mental and emotional strength to waiver and I will feel the need to protect them and to comfort them. While there are other times I am able to do this, during high intensity pain days, I don’t have the energy to do that.

But part of it is for my own sake. When I’m facing days like these, I end up getting so totally lost in my own head. I spend my time wondering how my heavy, throbbing head can feel so physically disconnected from the rest of my body. As the writer states in the article, it’s such a personal experience to feel so unwell to the point of not knowing how to handle your own body let alone your thoughts that arise from the unbearable pain. It’s an experience I don’t want anyone else to have to witness.

There are times when I need solitude and there are times when I need my loved ones around. Don’t feel as if it’s a personal attack when someone with a chronic disorder asks for you to leave during these high pain moments. We may not want you there in that moment, but we are so grateful for your willingness and readiness to be there for us whenever and wherever we need you.


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