Chapter 8 of “How To Live Well With Chronic Pain and Illness” outlines the many benefits of patience when it comes to living a life with chronic pain and/or illness. We are patients. And we need to be patient. This word patient is such a commonly used word in our life’s dictionary.
Everyone loses their patience–maybe traffic is bad and you just want to get home; maybe the wait time at the doctor’s office is unbearable and you can’t stop glancing at the clock while sighing; maybe today just isn’t your day.
One hard truth about life: sometimes, it just doesn’t go your way. But the author puts this fact into perspective for us a bit in this chapter. She says that “it’s not the fact that we don’t get our way that makes us miserable; it’s how we respond to that fact. The question becomes, do we get angry and upset, or do we tolerate and accept whatever’s happening that we don’t like?”
The author notes that by practicing patience in her life, she has noticed two things:
1) being patient is a way of treating yourself with compassion
2) being patient gave rise to equanimity–the even-tempered, peaceful state of mind that accepts with kind understanding that our lives will not always conform to our preferences.
The author then outlines her four-step approach for working with stressful and painful emotions. See below:
1) Recognize it: Recognize that impatience has arisen
She goes on to talk about how we often tend to think that the environment around us should conform to our expectations (ex: no traffic jams, no long lines, etc.) ; we tend to think that people should conform to our expectations (ex:they should behave the way we think they should) **I am very guilty of this** ; our expectations are often unrealistic when it comes to mastering new skills ; our expectations are almost always unrealistic when it comes to what goes on in our minds.
She suggests trying to come up with specific examples from our own lives that we can fit under these categories, which in turn will help us recognize that we are responding with impatience.
2) Label it: Label impatience when it is present in your mind
Try investigating your emotions from an objective point of view. It’s easy to place judgement on ourselves for how we’re feeling, but that isn’t fair nor compassionate to ourselves.
3) Investigate it: Investigate how impatience feels in your mind and in your body
Try to pay attention to how you feel when you’re impatient–is your body relaxed or tensed, is your mind calm or anxious?
4)Let it be
“Calmly accept the presence of impatience knowing that, with time, conditions will change..and so will my mind”
It’s the peace of mind that comes with accepting, without aversion, that delays, difficulties, and annoyances will inevitably be among life’s experiences.