The Reasons I Sometimes Don’t Practice What I Preach

Why is it that we can urge people to take control of their health when sometimes we aren’t even taking control of our own?

Do you ever catch yourself doing this?

This is me calling myself out on doing it.

Recently, I have been ignoring new symptoms or pain and procrastinating making new doctor appointments because I’m afraid of hearing a new diagnosis, or having a doctor tell me I that I need to try a new treatment. I have been ignoring things because I am afraid to deal with what comes next.

The last few days, I have been thinking a lot about why I have been doing this – trying to get a better understanding of whatever is subconsciously holding me back from practicing what I preach to so many.

Here’s what I’ve come up with:

New medications make me uneasy

I’ve been seeing all different types of doctors more regularly than your average person since I was about 12 years old. For a while, I was rotating through so many different medications/pills for my headaches & migraines that I honestly don’t remember a lot of the ones that I tried. I’ve experienced little to no side effects and I’ve also experienced some pretty intense negative side effects. Because of my experiences, I get uneasy about trying new medications. I also get uneasy about the fact that I continue to put these chemicals in my body without knowing how they will affect me. So, over the years, I have become more hesitant to readily fill a prescription a doctor quickly suggests.

I don’t want a diagnosis of yet another condition/syndrome

Another reason I subconsciously procrastinate dealing with new pain & symptoms is that I have received four new diagnoses in the last four years – a severe food allergy, Narcolepsy w/o cataplexy, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). So I am scared that if I go to another doctor with new pain or new symptoms, they’re gonna slap yet another label on me. Which, I know, it’s better to have the knowledge than to be ignorant to it. And I can’t predict the future. And I shouldn’t worry about things before they happen. I know. I get it. But it’s hard to think that way when I’ve been through this pattern of “go to new doctor, get new diagnosis.”

I can’t afford another condition/syndrome

It’s uncomfortable to talk about finances and even worse to think about them. But as people with chronic illness know, a lot of your money goes toward your health (or rather, trying to fix it.) Most people my age are both 1) spending their money on travel & activities and 2) saving it. I feel like I’ve had to pick one of the two. And I can honestly (and either shamefully or shamelessly, I haven’t decided yet) say that I have not been saving mine, and instead been spending it on my health & living life as an adventure. I want to participate in the things my friends are doing. I want to see the world. I want to make memories. When you’re sending a big chunk of your money on doctor visits & treatments, you really have to pick and choose where your remaining money goes. So I know that seeing a new doctor and possibly paying for new treatment only means more of my money will not go where I want it to.

I know, I know – this sounds like a whole lot of “cry me a river,” but it’s something I think a lot of people with chronic illness deal with.

Like anything else, though, I know it’s not OK to ignore something just because you don’t want to deal with it. I know that the reasons I have listed above are very valid reasons for me to be hesitant to address these problems – but they aren’t reasons for me to pretend these problems aren’t there.

I write this post as a way to 1) hopefully write something that you can relate to, so that you don’t feel so bad if you are also procrastinating dealing with a new health problem or symptoms and 2) to hold myself accountable.

If we talk the talk, then we should also probably walk the walk.

Do Only What You Can Do Today to Create The Reality You Want for Yourself Tomorrow.

 

I have a very hard time accepting my own reality. I’m sure many people experience that every once in awhile. Like when you were younger and you were grounded but you really wanted to go to that party, so you convinced yourself that you weren’t grounded and you went anyways, only to get into more trouble. It probably would’ve been better to just stay home, accept your punishment and wait for the next party. Or like when you know you have a million things on your to-do list, but you still go out and grab drinks with your friends or binge watch all of the real housewives episodes, only to then stress yourself out even more knowing you achieved nothing. We would be so much better off if we just accepted our reality as it is in that present moment, rather than pretend we are living some alternate reality that we daydream about.

 

Currently, I wish that I could be more physically active than I know I can be. I listen to friends talk about their workout routine and how they’re losing weight and growing stronger and more confident. I’m happy for them. I am. And after the few minutes of acting like Eeyore knowing that my body can’t do all of the the things that theirs can, I then convince myself that I actually can do what they’re doing. Why should my life be any different? They all face difficulties themselves. They pull muscles, tear ACLs, herniate a disc, etc and they all end up recovering and getting back into their exercises weeks or months later. So what’s stopping me from doing the same?

 

This is when I need a pretend slap in the face to wake myself up to my reality and the fact that my reality is not anyone else’s reality. My headaches intensify not only when I lift weights, or run or do yoga, but simply even when I walk up stairs, bend over, or push furniture around. My exertion headaches have no mercy on activity level. It’s something I’ve been dealing with since I was a teenager. I half expected them to be gone by now, but again, I was only kidding myself, right?

 

While I know I can’t squat big weight or run on the treadmill in order to lose weight and gain muscle quickly like “normies,” I do know that I can do just what I am capable of and no more. I have learned to endure the headaches throughout a workout and stop myself when the headaches grow to be more than I can handle. (It helps that I can handle more than someone else may due to the longevity of my illness.) Each day I have to remind myself that my routine will be very different than anyone else’s. I am unique and that’s ok. I won’t be as physically fit as I dream of, but I can do what I can to get close to that dream. I’m learning to accept my body and it’s limitations, but it’s something I have to remind myself of and teach myself daily.

 

So, just today, I’ve created a workout plan for myself. Two days of weights (more reps, less weight-in order to keep the impact low), three days of yoga (check out Yoga With Adriene, she’s awesome!) and two days of rest. Now, I know that this is an ideal plan. I know that my illnesses will throw curveballs at me and that there’s no way I will be able to stick to this routine as strictly as another person may be able to. I’m bound to have a migraine or narcolepsy spell come in and make me miss a day or two. It’s inevitable. I can’t control that. What I can control is how I accept the fact that I can make a routine, stick to it as best I can, not push my body more than I need to, and be cognizant of the fact that there will be days when my illness throws my schedule out of whack.

 

We have to learn to accept our realities as just that–our realities. We can’t compare ours to anyone else’s, just as someone else shouldn’t compare their reality to ours. We must constantly adapt, though the frustrations will want us to do otherwise.

Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge: Day 2-How I Write

My writing style isn’t necessarily a style, exactly. I don’t follow one set pattern or stick to one particular habit. Most often, I get inspired and just start to type away. I let my brain and fingers do the work and I don’t stop until they’re done. When I’m in this inspired, must-write-right-now kind of mood, I just hit publish and send my words out into the vast internet universe.


However, sometimes I am a bit more calculated. Sometimes I read over every word, every punctuation mark, every sarcastic remark. Sometimes I plan out ahead of time what I want to write about and sometimes I work on a piece for a couple days.

More often than not though, I write on a whim. I write when a light bulb goes off in my head, or I write when my head pain is so bad that I have to write in that exact moment to pull myself together.

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Whatever your writing style may be–whether it’s habitual or sporadic, you just keep doin you!

There’s A Purpose Behind Your Struggle: Seeing Your Words Inspire Others

Recently, I was nominated for three WEGO Health Activist Awards. WEGO is an online network of community members who are influential in health knowledge. WEGO Health Activist Awards celebrate those community members who share their stories, knowledge and strength to help inspire and help others who are on their own health journey. It’s an incredibly humbling honor to have been nominated for these awards.

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Being nominated means that someone out there read my words, my story, and what I had to share, and was positively impacted by those words and my story. That feeling alone is such a powerful one. It gave me a surge of strength to continue to advocate and inspire in any way that I can.

For so long, I let the struggles of my health problems and my constant battle against my headaches continue to knock me down, and keep me down. I harbored so many negative thoughts on a daily basis.I saw no reason to continue to search for treatments that worked. I didn’t see the point in trying to find answers, because for so long I was lead down dead end roads.

It wasn’t until I was given the idea and the loving push to start this blog that I started to see all of the positive things that have resulted from my battle with chronic daily headaches. As I started to see that writing this blog was helping me cope, I thought that maybe I could help others cope as well–no matter what fight they’re fighting. I wanted to reach people who had reached the point that I had–the point of giving up. Chronic illness can take over our lives if we let it, but we have the power to live our lives the way that we deserve to, without letting chronic illness take us as victims. That’s what I set out to show people like me.

So when I saw that I was nominated for the WEGO Health Activist Awards, I cried. (*spoiler alert: this isn’t overly shocking since I cry at everything including cute puppy videos.*) I felt fulfillment. I felt inspired by the people who I had inspired. I felt strengthened by the people that I somehow strengthened. To know that I had reached at least one other person who is coping with a battle of their own, opened my eyes to the realization that my passion is for health advocacy.

It’s an heart-warming feeling to know that my journey has resided with other people. Your words can help someone else in so many ways you may not have even imagined. Keep sharing your story. Keep spreading your love. Keep inspiring and strengthening the people around you. We all need to be lifted up every once in a while.

 

This Is What Invisible Illness Looks Like

As invisible illness awareness week wrapped up yesterday, I think it’s important for people to see who we are advocating for. The real faces of the people who aren’t invisible even though their illnesses are.


I’m what someone with an invisible illness looks like. There’s nothing visible that shouts for attention, yet for me there’s a constant invisible pain inside my head. I have become a master of disguise, hiding my rollercoaster of symptoms behind blue eyes & soft, sometimes strategic, smiles. 

Whatever illness you are facing, I hope I can remind you that you are not alone. There’s always somewhere you can turn and someone you can talk to when you feel like you’re losing your fight. 💓

But for my invisible illness soldiers, remind yourself every day that just because your illness is invisible, it does not mean that you are. We have a tendency to put on a front for others when we don’t feel well, but we don’t have to do that all of the time. It’s ok to frown instead of smile sometimes. It’s ok to cry when you’re hurting instead of putting on your suit of armor to protect yourself. 

You are not alone nor invisible. Keep your head up and your heart strong 💛

Hope For Progress, Rather Than Fear The Disappointment 

I have gone through months where I’ve effectively given up, only to give myself a wide wake up call that I needed to pick myself out of my funk and continue to try to find an effective treatment. No matter how walls I ran into and how many failed attempts there were, I had to keep trying.
I hope that you keep fighting to find an effective treatment. Or if you’re in a funk and you’ve lost hope, that you find the strength to try again. Because hope is the only thing stronger than fear. Hope that there is a treatment out there, rather than the fear of never finding an answer.

Be Kind, For Everyone Is Fighting A Battle Of Their Own 

When you’re walking down the street and breeze by the people moving past you, how often do you glance up at the faces that are blurring by? How often do you take the chance to look a stranger in the eyes and really try to read their story? There’s a story behind every face you see, each one unique and different than the story walking beside them.

Stories are more often than not, unpredictable. We don’t know who the characters are until we get to know them. We don’t know when the plot twists will turn up. We can’t know in advance if or when an antagonist will make an appearance, short lived or prolonged. There’s no telling when the happy ending will wrap everything up and tuck us snugly into bed.

Every person you come across has something they’re not sharing, some battle they’re facing, some story they’re a part of that we as outsiders, have no insight on. You see, life isn’t fair. It throws us curveballs we swing and miss at, it throws us off our paths, it presents the unexpected and its hardships discriminate against no one. 

As someone with a story of your own, the human and compassionate thing to do, is to be kind to every person you meet because you have no idea what phase of their story that they’re in.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

I’m battling daily chronic headaches, narcolepsy and chronic pain that has yet to be diagnosed. There is a constant pounding within my skull that strangers I see would have zero reason to expect me to be feeling. With my chronic migraine headaches along with my other medical mysteries comes anxiety issues, emotional lows creating a hermit like version of myself, unnecessary guilt, frequent frustration and so much more that I choose to hide either behind a smile or under my covers.

Even though I surround myself with people who are loving, kind, compassionate, generous, supportive and reliable, it’s just a fact of life that I will stumble upon people every once in a while who are less than kind to me. I’m only human and can’t help but make a sour face when sour words or thoughts are tossed my way. But I always turn back and tell myself that it’s the right thing to do to give that person the benefit of the doubt. They don’t know me. They don’t know my battles, my fights and my journey. They haven’t been given the book to start reading my story.Just like I don’t know their battle and their journey. Perhaps they are facing an uphill battle and are having a bad day filled with frustrations. So even if they may not have thrown the kindness my way, it’s all I can do to throw it back their way.

We’ll never understand what someone may be going through unless they open up to us about it. I promise you though, that any and everyone you meet is facing a battle that you know nothing about. All you can do, is be kind and show them the love you know that they need to keep fighting whatever battle that they’re up against.

Vote For The Headache Heroine in the 5th Annual Health Activist Awards!

I’ve been nominated for three award categories for the 5th Annual WEGO Health Activist Awards this year! The categories I’ve been nominated for are below:

  • Best in Show: Instagram
  • Best in Show: Pinterest
  • Rookie of the Year

Please take a quick minute or two to vote for me on my nominee profile!

I truly appreciate all of the support and am very humbled and excited to even be thought of for these awards! It’s extremely touching and motivating to know that I’ve at least reached and helped one other person over the past year through The Headache Heroine.

Thank you in advance ❤

Etsy Shop Listings! 

Hey all! Happy Tuesday! 

Taking my own advice and trying to tackle my Tuesday by getting out there and promoting my Etsy shop.


I take the visual posts I doodle that I post here and on my Instagram (@theheadacheheroine) and bring them to life in 3-D and then sell them on my etsy shop. 

They are pieces to inspire, motivate, remind you of daily love, and are made to encourage.

Check out my etsy shop here!! 😊

By The Ocean With My Thoughts

The sound of water says what I think.

― Zhuangzi

 

There’s this feeling I get whenever I walk onto a beach at night time. The darkness everywhere, the unspoken strength and mystery of the strong ocean ahead of me, the stillness of the air, and the intimacy felt when I’m sitting on the sand. The inevitable introspective thoughts immediately take up residence in my head the moment my feet hit the cool sand. It’s as if I’ve opened up a door to a different world. I’ve left my reality for only a bit and everything from my everyday life is no longer apart of this temporary world I’ve stumbled into.

 

There’s a reason I love the beach so much. Because the feeling I described above cannot be replicated, for me, by anything else. No matter if I go to the beach for a day, a weekend or a whole week, I try to save at least 30 minutes of my trip to step down to where the ocean meets the sand after the sun has gone down.

 

I’ve sat with friends, with family, with my boyfriend and at times just myself. No matter what, there’s always meaningful conversation and deep thoughts that I hadn’t been able to find before.

 

I’ve found inspiration, grew closer in faith, came to realizations, wondered endlessly and learned a lot about myself by the water. I’ve also argued, been blue with sadness, made mistakes, ignored true happiness, pushed people away, and built walls by the water.

 

No matter what it’s been about, no matter who I’m with or if I’m alone, the water has always been able to tell me what I was already thinking–no matter if I was aware of it or not.