What’s The Word❔”Panacea”

  
What’s the word❔

N. Panacea🔮

A word for dreamers. A word with such an idealistic, beautiful yet disappointing definition tied to it.💔 This is a word I don’t exercise often in my vocabulary, rather I store it away for when I drift off into dreamland 🌀🌃

I so wish that there was one solution and or answer to all of yours and my problems, illnesses, difficulties, what have you. What I wouldn’t give for that to be a reality. 🌠

What’s the Word? ✖️ “Onerous”

Adj. burdensome, troublesome, or oppressive. 

 
AKA many many things people with chronic health problems face day in and day out. A word we don’t like to use, but can’t help but to associate ourselves with. However, because we identify so closely with this word, it results us to also associate ourselves with words like strength, perseverance, and courage.  

What’s the Word? A Word That Connects Us 

NEXUS: a connection or series of connections linking two or more things.

  
Our stories, journeys, struggles, successes, hardships, defeats, and accomplishments all link and connect us here. I had never considered myself to be one of many who have health issues such as myself, and I was never more wrong. 

The positivity and inspiration I see from all of you on my feed is so overwhelmingly great and I’m so happy to have a connection to you all, even if it is through health issues

You Are NOT a Burden

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself questioning everything relating to my relationships with my friends and family. Did they see me as a weight on their shoulders? Did they think I judged them for not being able to understand my situation or for not being able to put themselves in my shoes? Did they find it too tasking to have to take care of me when my head is throbbing too hard to move from bed? But then I thought: If that’s what they think, then they probably aren’t in my life anymore. You see, those who find you to a burden, they’ve probably been out of the picture for a long time now, and you’re better off that way. Because, friend, you are anything but a burden to the people who truly care about you.

You are not a burden. You have a burden, which by definition is too heavy to carry on your own

You are not a burden.

You are a miracle, actually. God gave you the gift of life. He chose you to be here, wandering this mysteriously gorgeous Earth.

You are a friend. Make a list of the people who invite you on adventures, who have a hundred beautiful, ridiculous, embarrassing yet awesome pictures with you in them, and who you share endless pizza dinners (lunch, breakfasts, snacks, don’t lie) with. The people you make laugh when they want to cry and whose aid you go running to when they’re facing a hard time. You are a friend to so many.

You are a daughter, son, sister, brother, granddaughter, grandson, niece, nephew, aunt, uncle, etc. Think back to every holiday being surrounded by the few or many special people who you know you can always run home to, no matter what. The ones who you share your best memories with and experienced your biggest arguments with. You are their family. Without you, they would be one less.

You are a gift. When you shine your light on this world and share yourself with the people in it, I promise you that you are presenting something unique that no one else is able to. You have a purpose here—a purpose designed solely for you.

You are a warrior. The physical pain you endure every day, some days worse than others, is a pain not many could endure. Every day you’re getting stronger, even when it feels like you’re weakening. You fight through the aching, throbbing, pulsing, nauseating, piercing, and everlasting horrific sensations that are indescribable to others who don’t know what it feels like to be in your body.

You are a fighter. You fight through that pain, and somehow continue to keep moving forward in your journey. You fight on, whether it’s getting through the work day without having to call out early due to a worsening symptom or it’s biting your lip to fight the pain during your hundredth unsuccessful IV insertion. You fight through the frustration, sadness, anxiety, loneliness and helplessness that come along with your physical pain. Your fortitude is immeasurable in size.

You, my dear friend, are not a burden. Your illness is a burden. It is your burden. But even being solely yours, it cannot be carried by you and you alone. Because you are a friend, family member, gift, warrior and fighter, the chances are that you have a support system to help you carry that burden. Do not be afraid to ask for help. For the ones who are meant to stick around, will ask how they can help lift that burden whenever they can. You are not a burden and you were not made to carry this burden alone.

What’s the Word? “Kindred” 🌸

  
I started this blog to help myself and others feel less alone in this life. I used to feel like I was the only one for miles and miles who was battling such chronic and numerous health issues while everyone around me was living normal lives. But I have found a community that makes me feel so supported and not alone. We all are connected even if we’re strangers. The things we share in common help us provide support to one another in order to continue to fight our daily battles. 

There’s a reason we all share our stories here and keep coming back to support each other day after day. It’s because even though we may all be strangers, we are connected through our journeys. We share the similar battles, frustrations and experiences. It’s great to find and feel connected to other people when before you felt like the only one on earth going through what you’re going through. 

Wish You Were Here

I get these types of postcards sent to me on a regular basis. Not the tangible kind, mind you. The mental kind I create in my head. I’ve got a whole stack of em that I sift through every once in a while.

Throughout the many years (which seem like a lifetime, quite frankly) that I’ve had these headaches, I only experienced fleeting moments of self-doubt and another thing that we spoonies so often feel called FOMO (fear of missing out.) My headaches weren’t daily until I was about 20 or so years old. Up until then, my headaches were only bothering me every time I did hard cardio, when my hormones were increased, or when my occasional migraine came to visit. So, I really only felt like an outsider every once in a while. It was only occasionally that I was missing out on trips, adventures with friends, parties, birthdays, etc. It never really affected me emotionally or mentally at that time. At least it didn’t affect me enough for me to dwell on it. Everyone misses out on things sometimes. It’s part of life. What right did I have to complain about it?

This past summer though, my headaches took a turn for the worse. Not sure what triggered this major change with my health. Trust me, I’ve backtracked to try to find out. My investigative skills are better than most, but even I couldn’t solve this case. But really, that’s the strangeness that comes with headaches. It’s all too often that headaches cannot be traced to a particular cause. At least, that’s what I’ve been told by the flock of doctors I’ve visited. But back to the main story… Starting this past summer I was hit by this train that didn’t stop moving once it hit me. Yup, a classic hit and run, folks.

All of a sudden, I was missing out on weekend nights with my friends, birthday celebrations, brunches, concerts, etc. I was missing out on things that I was so frequently doing just months before with all my friends at college. While my case could clearly still be worse, it’s very hard to accept such a drastic lifestyle change, especially one that you didn’t voluntarily make. Even more so when you’re as social and outgoing as I am.

Instead, I was staying in alone, taking tons of naps (s/o to my dear friend, narcolepsy), praying my head didn’t defy science and spontaneously combust, and eating way more ice cream than the average person would be told is healthy by their general practitioner (PSA: please don’t use me as an example by comparison when asking your general practitioner what amount of ice cream consumption is considered to be healthy. Chances are your doctor probably already knows me anyways, so HA! Joke’s on you)

I told myself that things would turn around. That I just needed to give it a few more days until I was back on my feet again, so to speak. They always did turn around when I ran into long flares like these before. I would experience a string of weeks and weekends where I had to refrain from the activities I normally took part in, but then something would change and I’d be back to my normal, low grade, every day type-of-headache self.

For some mystery reason, this time, that didn’t happen. Yep, to this day I continue to turn down invites. I continue to yell (internally of course) at Netflix when it asks me if I’m still watching (stop judging me Netflix, you don’t know my life!) I continue to spoon another bite of Häagen-Dazs into my mouth while watching the Snapchats of my friends out on Friday nights.

I remain an optimist (about 85% of the time, because I’m not Giselle from “Enchanted” ok?) and I come up with so many well thought out plans for the next weekend, thinking “Next weekend I’ll feel good enough to do “fill in the blank here.” But these “well thought out” plans stay just exactly that: “well thought out plans.” I very rarely get to put my well thought out plans into action. And as someone who was labeled the “plan-maker” of my friend group time and time again, this is a hard pill to swallow. It’s awfully discouraging to daydream about road trips when in reality you wake up feeling too crappy to even make a trip to the kitchen.

Seeing all of my peers take advantage of their free time by crossing items off their bucket lists, visiting new cities, and trying new things just has me feeling like, (even though it isn’t my fault), I’m doing nothing with my time and wasting so many of my days doing what my dad would label as “diddly-squat”. Yeah, most of the time I can take control over my pain and turn my “woe is me” mentality into a “smile and wave” mentality.  I take one for the team and go out and do things pretending there actually isn’t wrecking ball having its way with me inside my skull. But there are so many times lately, where I just can’t physically do that anymore.

This isn’t meant to be a “depressing” post. It isn’t meant to be discouraging or sad. It’s not being written to score sympathy or words like “Wow, I could never deal with that. How do you do it?” While those words are often taken as compliments (to a certain degree, I will say) it’s just not what I’m looking to gain from this. I’m really not trying to gain anything other than relief for myself. It’s a selfish post with an underlying goal of reaching other people out there who are feeling just like me: stuck, helpless, and like I’m wasting these beautiful days away unwillingly.

I’m ambitious. I’m a dreamer. I’m a wannabe world traveler. I’m a foodie (with certain diet restrictions of course. Shout out to my food allergy friends. Epi-pens 4lyfe) I want to visit new places, do new things and meet new people. I want to see the works of God’s hands– the mountains, deserts, oceans, rolling hills and waterfalls instead of just “liking” the ones I see on my Instagram feed. I want to drool over and then devour all of the delicious food I can afford to (both financially and physically without getting sick) in one sitting.

Therefore, being tied to my bed, or the couch, or being blinded by the back of my sleepy eyelids just leaves me feeling like those ambitions and dreams will take me nowhere new. Like I’m wasting the days, hours and minutes that I could be spending experiencing a new culture first-hand, seeing a sunset in a new city or meeting a Scottish group of friends at their go-to pub and tuning everything they say out because I’m just too mesmerized by their accents.

I put an extreme amount of effort into keeping myself out of the dark places, so that I can spread light to other people who may be feeling this feeling of “wasting away” themselves. I’ll admit, on days like today, it’s hard to do that though. Sometimes I allow myself to be on the other side of that line. Sometimes I’m the person who needs someone else’s light to be spread to me.

So for now, I’ll keep flipping through all of these postcards from the different places that I wish to be. So even when I’m in bed with all the lights out and a have a cold compress on my head, in my own little world, I’ll actually be in Italy with pizza sauce spilling on my shirt, or in California driving down Highway 1 with the windows down, or even just down the road a little ways sipping on a satisfying mimosa with my friends talking about the weirdly wonderful things we talk about with one another.

Yeah, that’s where I’ll really be.

 

What’s the Word? –Intrepid 

  
What’s the word?

📍Intrepid
People with any physical, mental, or emotional struggle who put themselves out there and share their stories–they can be described as intrepid. 

In any case, those of us who put ourselves and our stories out there are fearful of the future and fearful that we’ll never see progress, find answers, or be judged along the way. However, we are living boldly, bravely, and fearlessly. 

Keep on, keepin on 👏🏼

Stress Relief Tip: Find a Meditation Method That Works For You

  
Stress relief tip: find your own method of mediation
Every day we experience new stress and come across new bumps in the road. Spoonies specifically face unpredictable days every day. The best way to deal with this stress and life’s complications, is to find a way to meditate, relax, and bring peace to your mind. 
One way for me is to do yoga. Even though I can’t always practice yoga because of my headaches, when I’m feeling well enough, I try to find time to get on my mat. It helps me quiet my mind, strengthen my body, and push aside things that are worrying or bothering me. 
Do any of you all use yoga as a method of personal meditation? What do you do for yourself in order to find peace of mind during times of stress?