Hope For Progress, Rather Than Fear The Disappointment 

I have gone through months where I’ve effectively given up, only to give myself a wide wake up call that I needed to pick myself out of my funk and continue to try to find an effective treatment. No matter how walls I ran into and how many failed attempts there were, I had to keep trying.
I hope that you keep fighting to find an effective treatment. Or if you’re in a funk and you’ve lost hope, that you find the strength to try again. Because hope is the only thing stronger than fear. Hope that there is a treatment out there, rather than the fear of never finding an answer.

Tuesday Tunes: “Second Wind” by Maren Morris

 

Maren Morris has quickly become one of my new favorite country artists on the scene right now. Her songs are not only catchy but the lyrics I think are genius. She has some songs that have honestly made me laugh because she somehow manages to be funny and scarily relatable all while singing beautifully.

This song though, is more of an empowering song. It’s about how you learn to let people fuel your fire, rather than letting them get in your head and tear you down.

No matter what your goal is, never let anyone tell you that you can’t achieve it. Don’t let the negativity of others seep into your confidence, perseverance and determination. People will do what they want to do, and say what they want to say. Let them.It’ll just motivate you more to succeed and make them mad that they underestimated you in the first place.

 

Things I’m Good At, Thanks To My Chronic Headaches & Narcolepsy

 

I’m really good at:

  1. Sleeping. My spirit animal is sloth.
  2. Making plans and then backing out last minute. Just because I hate doing it, doesn’t change the fact that I’m awesome at it.
  3. Collecting. I collect prescriptions, vitamins, test results, and doctor business cards
  4. Talking. About anything–doesn’t have to be health related. I’m just really good at talking.
  5. Showing compassion. Having endured years of chronic pain, health issues, emotional roller coaster rides, mental hardships and more, I find it really easy to feel compassion for other people and their journeys and struggles. I also just really like seeing people smile, so that’s more motivation.
  6. Surprising people. With my unexpected knowledge of various medicines, methods, symptoms and diagnoses. I promise I won’t walk in and pretend to be your doctor though.
  7. Enjoying time by myself. Because of how often I have to cancel plans or stay in and rest, I’ve learned how to truly enjoy and appreciate my own company. It actually kinda confuses me when people say they don’t like spending time alone. Like–I think I’m super cool, why wouldn’t I want to hangout with me?
  8. Picking myself up after a fall. More often than not, I’m the only one who can get myself up again after I’ve taken a hard fall in my health journey. Everyone will fall down in life, but we only truly live when we’re getting back up again.
  9. Managing pain. I don’t like to toot my own horn, but I’m pretty damn impressed by myself and my strength. I have continued so many activities while enduring my worst-pain level headaches/migraines and I never know how I did it once it’s over.
  10. Really enjoying life in all of it’s beauty. Life will never be full of only sunshine. There will be storms and we will get rained on. But each time the sun comes out, my smile gets brighter and my love for this world gets greater. Enjoying the simple things in life, putting more of my time toward seeing people who lift me up and doing more of what sets my soul on fire are all things I have seen myself get better at doing.

Monday Mantra: Stay Strong, My Soldiers. 

After 10 or so years of fighting different headache disorders while also running into a variety of other health issues, I’ve been reassured by family, friends and strangers that I’m strong. People have said (thinking out loud it always seems) how they can’t imagine how I do it.
While recently I’ve only felt weak, it’s nice to hear others see something different. 
Sometimes, I don’t know how I do it either, though. But I do, because I have no other option. There is no giving up. There is no throwing of the white flag.
So stand tall in your invisible cape. Stay strong. Keep fighting. People never will truly understand how you handle it all, but that’s because they don’t know how strong you really are. 
  

Isn’t That The Place Where… 4.16.07

I can almost guarantee you that every Virginia Tech student, current or alumni, has been asked the question “Isn’t that the school where the shooting happened?” at least once in their lives when they tell someone where they are currently attending or where they previously attended college.

I know I’ve been asked that question more times than I remember. I’m never sure what kind of response people are expecting to hear. I know that they can’t understand from my point of view because they’ll never know what Virginia Tech truly encompasses. It’s hard for people on the outside to understand the feeling of relief after stepping onto campus in the fall after being away for months. As an insider, I have to remind myself that what I experienced as a Virginia Tech Hokie is something too beautiful, rare, and unique to make sense to someone who hasn’t experienced it.

So when I am asked that question in the future, instead I will stop them short at “Isn’t that the place where–” and say this:

“Yes. It is the place I called home for 4 amazing years. It’s the place I met incredible, smart and beautiful people inside and out, some of whom I still consider my closest friends. Those people I called family while I was there. Yes, it is the place where I truly felt myself. Where I could be silly, weird, adventurous and feel completely alive with a group of people who always brought the fun to the party. Where I got to celebrate birthdays, holidays, and carefree Fridays with people who constantly put a smile on my face and rhythm in my steps. Yes, it is the place I learned more about myself than I thought possible. Where I grew, matured and experienced love, loss, failure and success. Yes, it is the place with the most loyal college fan base you will ever know. The place with Enter Sandman blasting throughout the town on Saturday, the stadium pulsing as feet jump up and down in the stands as our football team charges the field. Yes, it is the place where we truly know the meaning of tailgating, whether it’s 8 PM or 8 AM. Yes, it is the place with the best mascot across the board. Yes, it is the place that allows me to brag about being a part of the #1 Relay For Life in the country, raising money and awareness for cancer research, survivors and honoring those we’ve lost. Yes, it is the place where the campus and the people on it are known as an extremely tight knit community, always looking out for one another, always supporting one another. It’s the place where four generations of my family came and left as Hokies—maroon and orange flowing throughout our family tree. Yes, it is the place that I will continue to call my second home. The place that I will always hold dear to my heart. It’s the place that always gives me an overwhelming feeling of love whenever I come back visit. It’s the place that makes me proud of who I am, where I come from and where I’m going.”

That’s what I’m going to say, because that is what I want people to think of when they hear the words: Virginia Tech.

I want people to know that I chose Virginia Tech for a reason. I chose it as my home for four years because I knew I would find family there. I knew that I would  learn, succeed, grow, laugh and love there.I knew that while I welcomed the school with open arms, it would also return the gesture.

From the outside you can’t see it, but the students and professors on Virginia Tech’s campus and its alumni across the world support one another every single day, in so many different capacities. But on this day each year, April 16th, we all gravitate a little closer to one another. We hug a little longer, pray a little harder and feel a lot deeper together. I know that we will always live for the 32 and that we will always remember the loss and hurt that were felt and the tears that were shed that day and every year since. But I hope that people around the world who only see us from the outside looking in and ask us only about the negative will now be able to see what we see from an inside perspective, and be more inclined to ask us about the good.

Tackle Your Tuesday 

  
It’s the first day of March, y’all! Where the heck does time goooo (cue the cliche reminiscing and questioning of how time flies so fast)
For me, February was a month of stress, anxiety, ER visits, painful and long headaches, and lots of trying to keep myself positive. 

Well, this month I am going to try my best to remind myself every single that that no matter what happens, that things will work out. Even if things seem scary, overwhelming or impossible, things will work out. 

Gotta keep the faith and battle on 🌸✨ 

Tackle Your Tuesday 

 

image taken from tumblr. not my own image

 
Even when you hit your lowest point, take some time to recharge and then get back to fighting. Putting in effort time and time again even at our weakest will pay off way more than if we just throw in the towel and call it quits. I’ve tried both, and I never saw myself grow or progress even the slightest when I chose to give up.

Keep fighting, you beautiful soldiers. 🌺💪🏼🌺

Soulful Sunday

   for all of you who just can’t understand why things are the way they are right now. Keep holding on to the faith that one day we will understand. 

I can’t understand why it is I’m feeling the way I’m feeling lately, both physically and mentally. Can’t figure out why I haven’t been able to get out of this funk and can’t figure out why this time is different than others and why my head is doing so bad for so long, so different than times before.

Holding on to the faith that one day I will understand. Hoping you all are doing the same, no matter what it is that you’re trying to understand.