For Those People Who I’ve Pushed Away

I’ve recently stumbled across the website The Mighty. It’s a website where people living with disabilities, diseases and mental illnesses can submit their real stories and have them published to not only reach those who suffer as well but to reach those who live with and love someone who is suffering. It’s an awesome site and It’s definitely worth checking out whether it’s relevant to you right now or not.

Recently published on this site was an article written by a young lady who I can very closely relate to regarding an issue that I’ve never really figured out how to quite put into words myself. She did a wonderful job doing so for me and everyone else who feels the same way.

Read the article here–“To My Loved Ones When I Don’t Want Your Company”

When I’m facing a high (as in a 9 or 10) pain day, most of the time I want to retreat to my bed, curl up under my covers and escape into my own world. Like the writer of this article said, it’s partially for my loved one’s sake but partially for my own sake.

I push my loved ones away for their sake because I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable or sad.  So often when someone sticks around, I’m worried about how my health issues are taking over their life as well. My weakness is causing their mental and emotional strength to waiver and I will feel the need to protect them and to comfort them. While there are other times I am able to do this, during high intensity pain days, I don’t have the energy to do that.

But part of it is for my own sake. When I’m facing days like these, I end up getting so totally lost in my own head. I spend my time wondering how my heavy, throbbing head can feel so physically disconnected from the rest of my body. As the writer states in the article, it’s such a personal experience to feel so unwell to the point of not knowing how to handle your own body let alone your thoughts that arise from the unbearable pain. It’s an experience I don’t want anyone else to have to witness.

There are times when I need solitude and there are times when I need my loved ones around. Don’t feel as if it’s a personal attack when someone with a chronic disorder asks for you to leave during these high pain moments. We may not want you there in that moment, but we are so grateful for your willingness and readiness to be there for us whenever and wherever we need you.

 

Chronically Grateful Day 17: What Major Lesson Have You Learned From Living With a Chronic Condition?

 
After close to 10 years of dealing with my chronic and exertion headaches, I have learned that I truly can do anything but not everything. I’ve pushed through terrible headaches during fastpitch tournaments in the blazing heat 🔥, hiking miles up and down a mountain🏔, working a full time job💻, and smiling when it seemed impossible. After all that, I know I can do anything.

However, after having to quit playing the game I loved, skipping the group hiking trips, calling in sick to work sometimes, and often missing out on some of the adventures and activities my friends have planned, I know that I can’t do everything. I’ve learned to prioritize my health so that I don’t push myself when I know it would only lead me to feel even worse. I’ve learned that my headaches come during times I find inconvenient and disappointing, but I know that when its all said and done, I need to look after my health before all else ☝🏼️. It was a lesson learned after much stubbornness and denial, but it’s one my body thanks me for now. 

Chronically Grateful Day 17: What Major Lesson Have You Learned From Living With a Chronic Condition?

 
After close to 10 years of dealing with my chronic and exertion headaches, I have learned that I truly can do anything but not everything. I’ve pushed through terrible headaches during fastpitch tournaments in the blazing heat 🔥, hiking miles up and down a mountain🏔, working a full time job💻, and smiling when it seemed impossible. After all that, I know I can do anything.

However, after having to quit playing the game I loved, skipping the group hiking trips, calling in sick to work sometimes, and often missing out on some of the adventures and activities my friends have planned, I know that I can’t do everything. I’ve learned to prioritize my health so that I don’t push myself when I know it would only lead me to feel even worse. I’ve learned that my headaches come during times I find inconvenient and disappointing, but I know that when its all said and done, I need to look after my health before all else ☝🏼️. It was a lesson learned after much stubbornness and denial, but it’s one my body thanks me for now. 

Chronically Grateful Day 16: How Do You Turn To a Positive Place When You’re Having a Bad Day?

All too often we can find ourselves in bad places. Throughout my journey I’ve seen numerous days of endless head pain, emotional distress and mental worry. It’s hard to get yourself to turn your frown upside down 🙃 when you are in these kinds of moods. However, I try to remind myself that while a good cry every once in a while is warranted and good for the soul, no good will come from sitting around sulking all day long. ☝🏼️ I find reaching out to a few good friends to make me laugh always gets me smiling. I like watching my go to comedies (aka Friends and The Office) because those are guaranteed to lighten my mood and make me laugh no matter how many times I’ve seen the same episodes. Also, I’ve found ice cream and pizza work wonders. 😊🍕🍦

Chronically Grateful Day 9: What Are You Most Grateful For About Yourself?

  
Being positive about yourself is never a bad thing, so be proud of who you are! ☝🏼️Despite the past 10 yrs (or so) of dealing with these headaches, I still have a lot to be grateful for. I’m compassionate, kind and goofy 😁I’m resilient and strong💪🏼. I dance wildly in front of crowds and don’t care what people think💃🏼I smile even when it seems impossible. It may come across as boastful, but really I’m just grateful for how I’m able to stay myself throughout this crazy ride. 💖