November Intentions: Grace and Gratitude

Hello November!

Setting monthly intentions has quickly become one of my favorite mindfulness practices. It’s a way to set goals for myself and a way to remind myself of the mindset I want to live in. I’ve started placing my intentions on my dresser so that I have to look at them every single day. This way, I’m not just writing the intentions to write them – I’m writing them so that I can really live them out.

With that said, here are my intentions for this month:

  1. Start each day by asking for grace
    For the past week or so, I have made it a point to start each day by asking God to pour out his grace on me so that I can face the day ahead of me and whatever it will bring along with it – good or bad. And I have noticed a difference in my mindset throughout those days. Sometimes I have to remind myself to do this – I like to compare myself to an athlete in training – training myself to pray consistently in the morning. Someone said something to me recently that really struck me – she said we can compare ourselves to cars and grace being our fuel. We can’t ask for grace once and expect it to last. We have to refuel, and ask for grace each day. So, I try to start my days by filling up on grace to get myself through the day. If praying isn’t your cup of tea, maybe you start your day by meditating for five minutes, or writing down your intentions for that day, or taking five deep breathes and silently tell yourself “I got this. I will conquer today. I will be patient through any obstacle that comes my way today, because I am strong enough to overcome anything.”
  2. Write three letters to people in my life (and continue this each month here after)
    One of my hobbies is creating handmade cards. I like the creative aspect of it and I like giving them to people and seeing their reactions. I like putting a smile on people’s faces whether it’s for their birthday, a holiday, a celebration or just because they’re super awesome and deserve a little extra love that day. Also, a lot of my family & friends don’t live in the same city as me. So, I’m going to use this hobby to fuel my creative tank and also to keep in better touch with the people I love and care about.
  3. Continue networking and saying yes to new opportunities
    In the past few months I have tried to put myself out there in a number of ways – I attended a BlogHer conference in NYC by myself where I knew zero people; I have attended events that people I don’t know very well have invited me to, where I knew I would know only that one person there; I’ve reached out to different chronic illness support groups as well as other advocates and influencers. I love meeting new people and learning their stories. I love sharing knowledge with and gaining knowledge from knew people. Everyone has something to teach us, so why not ask? I’ve also learned that I have had some of my best times at events and things that I wasn’t originally looking forward to that much or that I was really nervous to go to. Put yourself outside of your comfort zone. Do something new. Explore a new city. Try a new hobby. Say hi to that stranger sitting next to you. You never know where it could take you.
  4. End each day with a grateful heart
    This is the season of giving thanks – but that doesn’t mean we should only be giving thanks during this one month. A couple of months ago, I created a new habit that I know I’m going to stick with. Each night before bed, I write down the things I am especially grateful for that day and I then write down ways in which I can improve (physically, emotionally and spiritually) the next day. It’s such an eye-opening way to see that we have so much to be thankful for. There are so many people who care about you. There is joy in the little things. And there is always room for improvement.

Have you set any intentions for November? What are you most grateful for right now? How do you wish to improve in the next month?

November intentions

“How To Live Well With Chronic Pain and Illness” Chapter 8 Summary: “The Many Benefits of Patience”

Chapter 8 of “How To Live Well With Chronic Pain and Illness” outlines the many benefits of patience when it comes to living a life with chronic pain and/or illness. We are patients. And we need to be patient. This word patient is such a commonly used word in our life’s dictionary.

Everyone loses their patience–maybe traffic is bad and you just want to get home; maybe the wait time at the doctor’s office is unbearable and you can’t stop glancing at the clock while sighing; maybe today just isn’t your day.

One hard truth about life: sometimes, it just doesn’t go your way. But the author puts this fact into perspective for us a bit in this chapter. She says that “it’s not the fact that we don’t get our way that makes us miserable; it’s how we respond to that fact. The question becomes, do we get angry and upset, or do we tolerate and accept whatever’s happening that we don’t like?”

The author notes that by practicing patience in her life, she has noticed two things:
1) being patient is a way of treating yourself with compassion
2) being patient gave rise to equanimity–the even-tempered, peaceful state of mind that accepts with kind understanding that our lives will not always conform to our preferences.

The author then outlines her four-step approach for working with stressful and painful emotions. See below:
1) Recognize it: Recognize that impatience has arisen
She goes on to talk about how we often tend to think that the environment around us should conform to our expectations (ex: no traffic jams, no long lines, etc.) ; we tend to think that people should conform to our expectations (ex:they should behave the way we think they should) **I am very guilty of this** ; our expectations are often unrealistic when it comes to mastering new skills ; our expectations are almost always unrealistic when it comes to what goes on in our minds.

She suggests trying to come up with specific examples from our own lives that we can fit under these categories, which in turn will help us recognize that we are responding with impatience.
2) Label it: Label impatience when it is present in your mind
Try investigating your emotions from an objective point of view. It’s easy to place judgement on ourselves for how we’re feeling, but that isn’t fair nor compassionate to ourselves.
3) Investigate it: Investigate how impatience feels in your mind and in your body
Try to pay attention to how you feel when you’re impatient–is your body relaxed or tensed, is your mind calm or anxious?
4)Let it be
“Calmly accept the presence of impatience knowing that, with time, conditions will change..and so will my mind”

It’s the peace of mind that comes with accepting, without aversion, that delays, difficulties, and annoyances will inevitably be among life’s experiences.

 

How To Live Well With Chronic Pain and Illness-Chapter 4 Summary: Developing the Confidence to Say No

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

This chapter is all about learning the skill to say no and learning how to be ok with it. Below are a few highlights from this chapter that I have found very insightful and helpful–as someone who has a very hard time saying no, even when my body is screaming at me to do so. When you find yourself in a position where you can’t decide how you should respond to a situation, run through the following test:

  • “Would saying no as opposed to yes be true to yourself?”
    • Are you saying yes because you truly want to or are you saying yes just to give into the social pressure?
    • For me, I live a lot of my life worrying about making others happy. Yes, selflessness is a good quality to have. However, we need to learn that it’s OK to say no even if you’re worried that other people won’t be happy with your answer. You will learn that there are people who truly understand, and they will never judge you or be upset with you for choosing to listen to your body’s needs and saying no when you feel you need to.
  • “Would saying no as opposed to yes be kind and helpful to yourself?”
    • the author here associates “helpful” to whatever would benefit our emotional and mental well-being and associates “kindness” to our bodies.
    • Basically, what may be helpful to our minds may not be helpful to our bodies. For example for me, exercise can be helpful to my mind but is never helpful or  kind to my body.
    • Another good example of this for me at least, is all of the nights that I’ve gone out with my friends even when my head has been pounding and throbbing. I was so set on helping myself feel less isolated, so I would force myself to go out just so I could see my friends and help my mental well being. Because, if I stayed in, there would most likely be tears of frustration and FOMO rolling down my face. But instead, I pushed myself to power through the pain so that I could not feel like such an outsider, even just for the night. While there are times where this worked in my favor, majority of the time, it always ended up biting me in the butt and taking a huge toll on my head.

We need to practice saying no so that we can find what feels best for our body and our mind. We don’t have to separate the two. We can find balance and we can find ways for both our minds and our bodies to be happy with us.

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