Tuesday Tunes. 🎧 Because Music Heals🎧

So instead of doing a song of the week, I’m now going to be sharing what I call: Tuesday Tunes! 

Same concept as my song of the week posts: they will be songs that I find myself feeling a close connection to and hope to help others feel the same way or inspire people to seek their own songs that make them feel supported, heard, loved, inspired, excited, motivated and understood. Because, music heals, people. We all need music for the soul to turn to.

My first Tuesday tune is…drumroll pleaaaaasseee: “Another Man’s Shoes” by Drew Holcomb. (I listened to the acoustic version on Spotify: that’s the one I recommend listening to)

It’s essentially pointing out that everyone has something that they’re struggling with so we need to try to put ourselves in their shoes as to not judge them. And if we do that and still can’t understand that they too may be facing a hardship, then we need to keep on walking. 

It’s a song that made me feel understood not only as a spoonie but as a human being. 

Give it a listen! 

Another Man’s Shoes–Listen here!

You Are NOT a Burden

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself questioning everything relating to my relationships with my friends and family. Did they see me as a weight on their shoulders? Did they think I judged them for not being able to understand my situation or for not being able to put themselves in my shoes? Did they find it too tasking to have to take care of me when my head is throbbing too hard to move from bed? But then I thought: If that’s what they think, then they probably aren’t in my life anymore. You see, those who find you to a burden, they’ve probably been out of the picture for a long time now, and you’re better off that way. Because, friend, you are anything but a burden to the people who truly care about you.

You are not a burden. You have a burden, which by definition is too heavy to carry on your own

You are not a burden.

You are a miracle, actually. God gave you the gift of life. He chose you to be here, wandering this mysteriously gorgeous Earth.

You are a friend. Make a list of the people who invite you on adventures, who have a hundred beautiful, ridiculous, embarrassing yet awesome pictures with you in them, and who you share endless pizza dinners (lunch, breakfasts, snacks, don’t lie) with. The people you make laugh when they want to cry and whose aid you go running to when they’re facing a hard time. You are a friend to so many.

You are a daughter, son, sister, brother, granddaughter, grandson, niece, nephew, aunt, uncle, etc. Think back to every holiday being surrounded by the few or many special people who you know you can always run home to, no matter what. The ones who you share your best memories with and experienced your biggest arguments with. You are their family. Without you, they would be one less.

You are a gift. When you shine your light on this world and share yourself with the people in it, I promise you that you are presenting something unique that no one else is able to. You have a purpose here—a purpose designed solely for you.

You are a warrior. The physical pain you endure every day, some days worse than others, is a pain not many could endure. Every day you’re getting stronger, even when it feels like you’re weakening. You fight through the aching, throbbing, pulsing, nauseating, piercing, and everlasting horrific sensations that are indescribable to others who don’t know what it feels like to be in your body.

You are a fighter. You fight through that pain, and somehow continue to keep moving forward in your journey. You fight on, whether it’s getting through the work day without having to call out early due to a worsening symptom or it’s biting your lip to fight the pain during your hundredth unsuccessful IV insertion. You fight through the frustration, sadness, anxiety, loneliness and helplessness that come along with your physical pain. Your fortitude is immeasurable in size.

You, my dear friend, are not a burden. Your illness is a burden. It is your burden. But even being solely yours, it cannot be carried by you and you alone. Because you are a friend, family member, gift, warrior and fighter, the chances are that you have a support system to help you carry that burden. Do not be afraid to ask for help. For the ones who are meant to stick around, will ask how they can help lift that burden whenever they can. You are not a burden and you were not made to carry this burden alone.

Soulful Sunday

   for all of you who just can’t understand why things are the way they are right now. Keep holding on to the faith that one day we will understand. 

I can’t understand why it is I’m feeling the way I’m feeling lately, both physically and mentally. Can’t figure out why I haven’t been able to get out of this funk and can’t figure out why this time is different than others and why my head is doing so bad for so long, so different than times before.

Holding on to the faith that one day I will understand. Hoping you all are doing the same, no matter what it is that you’re trying to understand. 

They Say You’re In Control Of Your Own Life. They’ve Obviously Never Talked To Someone With Chronic Pain.

Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about myself. Not only due to the obvious causes (aging, growing, maturing, etc) but due to my chronic pain as well. My chronic pain has given me a lot of insight into why I think and act the way I do sometimes.

See, my daily headaches have taken control of my life. They control my day, what I do during the day, who I see, my ability to work, play and exercise. They control whether or not I have to cancel plans or if I can go out and be my social self. They control what I eat and when I sleep. I’ve lost a lot of control in my life to these headaches. They’ve taken the reins on this one.

Starting this blog has resulted in me really digging into some  of my emotions, feelings and reactions that I have because of my headaches. I take a lot more time to actually think about myself and my situation. Recently, I’ve noticed that I’ve become more of a controlling person. Molding myself to where I have that personality trait where I want to control the things around me and sometimes try to control what the people around me are doing. It’s not the most endearing quality and can often make me come off as being unreasonable.

I hadn’t noticed this until pretty recently. While I’m not proud of it, I can try to explain it.

Losing so much control in your life to something like chronic pain results in you wanting to control whatever else you can in so you aren’t left feeling completely subordinate to your pain. It’s a subconscious thing I guess. Feeling like if you can’t control so many aspects in your day and life, why not try to control whatever you can? While my headaches control my pain level, I can control my reaction and feelings like anger, frustration, optimism, faith, etc. (although it’s much easier said than done.) However, because my headaches control my plans throughout the day, I think I subconsciously sometimes try to control other people’s plans so that I don’t feel totally left out. This is one situation, among others, that I need to work on. I’m sure I could think of many more examples regarding this idea of control.

Some people who know me may read this and laugh and think I’ve always been this way despite my headaches, but I like this explanation better. I’m hoping that other people in the chronic pain/disorder/illness community can tell me that I’m not alone in this feeling. That I’m not the only one who has noticed a loss of control in their life, while also gaining a more controlling personality.

Everyone around us has their personality flaws. While some flaws people are born with, others they have developed due to a situation we might not notice they’ve been through or are currently facing. Instead of brushing someone off because they’re too noncommittal, stand-offish, or controlling, try to be patient and understand that sometimes these flaws develop from a place of pain, experience and struggle.